Employment vs Chronic Illness: the Ultimate Showdown

For those of us who are younger and lack the education and professional experience required for any job that isn't retail or foodservice, it can feel impossible to support ourselves in the face of chronic illness. We often can't find or qualify for work that would allow us to telecommute or work from home, as so many people suggest. We often struggle to find work that will accomodate us, and even make things happen if we are accommodated.

Ever since my health has really started to decline, I've been having more and more trouble functioning at my retail job. My cane often times gets in the way, I can't bring my chair to work, and now that the air conditioning in the store is broken I keep fainting in the middle of the store. As a result, my hours are being cut and I'm not making the money that I need to in order to get by and support myself.

During my shift last Saturday, I spent three hours the night before trying to find an outfit that would hide my TENS unit without being bulky and hot. The morning of I curled and stuffed the wires into a pair of compression shorts, tucked the unit away, and carefully donned the outfit I had devised the night before. I slid expensive insoles into my shoes, smushed my feet into a pair of compression socks, and wiggled into my bulky knee braces. After packing three extra bottles worth of powdered gatorade into my bag, mixing a fresh one into my liter bottle, and popping my daily beta blocker I was about as ready as I could possibly be to start my day.

I worked four hours, all at the cash register with a fan pointed right at me, with my compression gear fighting blood pooling, my knees held in place, and electrical currents battling it out with pain signals. Even after all that prep (and three liters of Gatorade), I was still a mess by the time I hit the halfway mark. Two hours on my feet and it felt like I had been walking for days. Still, I put on my best customer service face and lied to every manager and coworker when they asked me how I was holding up, "I'm great! I'm really glad to be back after some time off, I missed you guys."

The reality? With every passing minute I was starting to understand how little this job actually works for me. What else am I going to do? I have rent and bills, medications and copays, a car that needs gas, and a stomach that needs food. I can't survive off of the occasional art commision, and a few tee-shirt campaigns can I?

The answer is no. I suppose the question is, how do I make it all work? Do I take that work from home job selling cutlery? Do I suffer through my retail job at the expense of my health in the long term (and still not make enough money)? Do I apply for disability income, a program that would force me to live in poverty and pray that the government doesn't cut me?

I suppose I'll just have to find out.